Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified).
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
Experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area.
More coverage: http://onion.com
Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
The United States gave billions of dollars in aid to the wealthy European principality of Andorra, which it mistakenly assumed was a poor African country.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
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