Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better job.
Experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area.
More coverage: http://onion.com
Panelists discuss ways to wage a greener war in Iraq, such as driving biodegradable tanks and shocking detainees' testicles with wind power.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
![The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/Hyph_DZa_GQ/2.jpg "The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \")
![The Onion: \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/Q_OIXfkXEj0/2.jpg "The Onion: \")
![Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\](http://img.youtube.com/vi/0iqktCdX0hs/2.jpg "Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\")
![The Onion: \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/YBM3j7x4Lcw/2.jpg "The Onion: \")
![The Onion: \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/QWdN4hA-rB0/2.jpg "The Onion: \")
![The Onion: Domino\](http://img.youtube.com/vi/31JNEVHZxO8/2.jpg "The Onion: Domino\")
![The Onion: Diet Book Author Advocates New \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/CxIr_otUmo4/2.jpg "The Onion: Diet Book Author Advocates New \")
