Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified).
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Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
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World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.
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For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
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An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
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Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision.
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Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
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![Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\](http://img.youtube.com/vi/0iqktCdX0hs/2.jpg "Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\")
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